Tech Wankers. Technology news, opinions, commentary and humor.

Nexus One Internals

So last night I got a call. “Yo, Joe. Its Stevie. What the fuck is all this nexus shit that...

Schwag

Why do companies insist on spending money on useless and crappy schwag. Foam balls, tiny note...

411 on TechWankers

We Techwankers, most of who are technical internet entrepreneurs, started this blog because we...

More Jill Arrington, Less Michael Arrington

By Wanksta

There are two Arringtons.
One looks like this

And the other one is pleasant to look at AND to listen to (Jill Arrington)

Less Michael, more Jill. But don’t take my word for it, Google agrees with me.

PS: So the intern took some money to give some back link to a company. So what? Isnt’ that how TechCrunch…

[ More ] February 6th, 2010 | 2 Comments | Posted in Commentary, Silicon Valley

To Techcrunch : We Take Bribes

By Joe

Today Techcrunch made a public apology to its readers regarding a writer taking bribes (mac book for a post on techcrunch)
So I thought its time we lay out our policy to all our writers here at techwankers.
We TAKE bribes. We WELCOME bribes. There is nothing too small we wouldn’t take. In fact, we may be…

[ More ] February 5th, 2010 | 2 Comments | Posted in Silicon Valley

Geeks -The Robots Are Coming To Take Your Jobs

By Joe

To all the geeks out there – can you do the Rubics cube? Didn’t think so. (Nerds – I know you can).
Now they have a lego robot that can solve the cube. Next up – is a lego robot for Facebook connect. Then it will write games. So you geeks better start finding another skill…

[ More ] February 5th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Silicon Valley

Battle for domination of the sex appeal: women in tech vs. women in cartoon

By Wanksta

We asked 100 people of the TechWankers audience, mostly lonely geeky engineering men who think chivalry is name of alcohol, one of the most important questions of all time:
WHO WOULD YOU RATHER DO?
1) Marissa Mayer (VP, Satan, Inc. Google) vs Minnie Mouse (Queen, Republic of Disneyland)

Winner: Marissay Mayer (65-35)
#1 comment: “Only because sex with mouse…

[ More ] February 4th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Silicon Valley

How Much Is A Genius Worth?

By Joe One of life’s question – what is intelligence worth? Well according to Apple, the Apple Mac Genius pay is $18/hour average. So using that as a benchmark: Software Eng (appox $80K) – over 2x Genius Starbucks Barista ($9/hour) – half a Genius MacDonald’s Cashier ($8/hour) – less then half a Genius Facebook app developers (average $-ve/hour) – STUPID

[ More ] February 2nd, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Commentary, Silicon Valley

Hitler Hates iPad

By Joe The news is out. Hitler hates the iPad – don’t blame him (unless he is a PC user). A device with no multi-tasking? WTF!

[ More ] January 28th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Silicon Valley, WTF

How Apple iPad’s Name came to Be

By Wanksta

Steve Jobs: Yo Wanksta.
Wanksta: Zup homez.
Steve Jobs: So i gots me this new computer. It’s gonna be basically a flat PC. I’m gonna market it as some revolutionary new thing. It’s the same ol’ shit. But you know these “bourgeoisie” Apple fans idiots will buy anything I make.
Wanksta: Fo sho.
Steve Jobs: Anyway, can’t think of…

[ More ] January 27th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Silicon Valley

iPad Sniggers

By Joe iSlate, iTablet….iPad? Apple is just asking for trouble. Watch out for all the ‘pad’ jokes. UPDATE: our prediction was right. “The Crunchpad (opps – I mean JooJoo) will fail” . Welcome iPad, bye bye JooJoo.

[ More ] January 27th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Silicon Valley

Apple’s New Ad Slogan

By Wanksta 1) iPod $199 2) iPhone – $599 3) iPad – $499 The recurring look on your face when you get the monthly bill from AT&T for their 3g data service – PRICELESS.

[ More ] January 27th, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Silicon Valley

Everyone’s a F*cking Critic

By Wanksta

I like to

get drunk and urinate in public. Peeing on people’s faces is what i do.
scratch my balls and smell the fingers afterwards (gotta make sure Valtrex is working)
squeeze out my armpit blackhead and flick it at little kids
invite a blind person to my kitchen and leave all the cabinet doors open

One thing I do…

[ More ] January 21st, 2010 | No Comments | Posted in Commentary, Silicon Valley